


Behind Rachel's Eyes

by KillerQueenHelekonla (orphan_account)



Category: Glee
Genre: AU, Angst, Characters belong to Ryan Murphy, Depression, F/M, Finn and Quinn don't exactly have a nice role in this fic, I own nothing except the story, M/M, Sorry guys, and singing, past Finn Hudson/Rachel Berry, set after "Asian F", song/album titles belong to their respective artists/bands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-13
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2018-01-08 14:49:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1133927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/KillerQueenHelekonla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After losing everyone she loves, Rachel decides to take her haters' advice. But the mess she ends up in is worse than she intended. It's Puck to the rescue and the Gleeks will realise just how much Rachel means to them. But Fate never did like nice neat happy endings. Eventual Puckleberry. Please be gentle: it's my first story here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. (Prologue) Just The Creep Going Under

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews and constructive criticism are welcome! :D  
> Trolls and flamers' comments will be met with indifference and ignored.

Glares follow Rachel Berry down the hall, but she holds her head high. They can’t touch her, emotionally: that’s what she tells people, and that’s what she lets them see. They can cover her with a hundred slushies; they can scrawl a thousand derogatory pictures and slogans about her; they can say a million horrible things to her face, and another billion behind her back. But they won’t hurt her. She’s getting out of here at the end of the year. She’s going to be a star. None of this will matter. None of it.

 _You know, one day you’re going to look at your life and see the “friends” you have, and remember the real ones you threw away._

They call her a bad actress, some of them, but none of them will ever notice the slight of her lower lip or the barely-restrained tears or the shallow breathing as her ex-friend’s voice echoes in her head, like a cruel reminder as she walks these judgmental halls. Because, really, Rachel Berry is about as hurt-proof as cotton is waterproof. And right now, she’s pretty sure it couldn’t get much worse. 

The Glee Club – who she considers a second family – hates her, and is about as caring toward her at this point as the rest of the William McKinley cohort. Her friends – her first ever, who she treasures above any future, fantasy or realistic, she might see herself in – have abandoned her, just as her mother has: both 17 years ago, and just last year. Not to mention that her fathers are away on their fiftieth (or is it their hundredth? She’s lost count) business trip for the year, expressing their discontent with home and – by extension – their daughter. 

But Rachel’s bigger than that. She has other things, more important things to focus on. She has a play to take the lead in ( _I’m not really suited to Maria, though, am I? I’m not really talented enough for anything like that, am I?_ ), assignments to do ( _What’s the point in trying? Who’s there to care if I know a damn thing anymore?_ ), and a future to plan ( _What future? I’m not really going to make it out of Lima in the end, am I?_ ). Then she sees it: Finn and Quinn. Kissing. Her boyfriend kissing his ex. He spots her, and breaks away from Quinn, wrapping an arm around the blonde’s waist. She dies a little inside, but approaches with an air of nonchalance. 

“Hey Rach. I was just looking for you, actually. You’ve probably figured it out, but it’s over between us. Permanently. Sorry. I just… I can’t lie anymore. I don’t love you. I never have. I love Quinn, and I can’t deny it anymore. You understand right? We have to stop trying to be together ‘cause – let’s face it – I need someone who’s… better.” She stands in shock, staring at Finn’s dopey grin and Quinn’s self-satisfied smirk of victory. Each word is like a bullet in her heart, another tear on her soul, but she doesn’t let it show. Instead, she quickly collects herself and raises an eyebrow. 

“Really? Thank god. I _finally_ don’t have a six-foot anchor tying me to this hell-hole.” She continues striding past, ignoring comments, and glances. She heads toward the door, knowing that no one’s even going to notice her absence until this afternoon. Normally, yet another breakup wouldn’t stop her going to Glee, but the hurt inside is agonizing. She wants out, she _needs_ out, and she’s not going to get it by standing around here. Watching people in happy relationships, laughing with their friends, and complaining about how their parents are always around is just too painful. She slips out without a backward glance – her peers don’t give her a second glance either: like trains passing in a thick fog, neither even noticing the other’s really there, but for some jumbled, muffled noise. 

As soon as she gets home and everything’s closed and locked – even the phone is unplugged – her mask drops. She curls up miserably on the couch, sobbing into a cold – and now _wet_ – pillow as she allows the pain within to unleash its full fury upon her. The house feels emptier than ever, and she feels so small: just a tiny ball of misery in a giant, open space. All alone. That’s all she is. 

She’s going to die this way, she realizes. She’s going live out her life completely alone, and no one’s going to give a damn. Not even _her_. And it’s all her fault. Her stupid, selfish fault. She’s hurt so many and she’s just going to keep hurting more and more of them. She wonders if the damage is reparable, but she knows it’s not: after last year, she knows she was on her last chance. And she’s blown it. They’re better off without her, she decides. It’s better if she doesn’t turn up in their lives again: she’d run away, but neither of her fathers left any money behind (which is strange, as they usually leave _something_ ) and she doesn’t know where she’d go, anyway. No: it’s better just to stay here and waste away. 

_…Curl up and die… …That’s all you’re good for… …No one cares about you… …I don’t love you… …We were never friends to start with… …I could never be friends with someone like you… …You’re only selfish because you’re the only person dumb enough to put Rachel Berry first… …You hog the spotlight because, in real life, no one sees you as worthwhile… …If you didn’t have any talent, no one would even know you existed… …Suck it up and die, Treasure-Trail… …We’ll all be much better off without you, RuPaul… ….Not gonna miss you, Yentil: not one little bit…_

The voices speak the truth, and Rachel Berry listens to them, her mind made up about it.


	2. Since Yesterday, I've Fallen, And My Angel Seems To Have Disappeared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks have passed since Rachel's decision to give up on life. Mr Schue starts to worry, the Gleeks bitch about Rachel, Puck gets possessively defensive, and Rachel's luck takes an unexpected turn for the even worse.

“Guys, has _anyone_ seen Rachel in the last two weeks _at all_?” Will Schuester asks. A discordant chorus of negative responses ring through the air, some – like Mercedes’ – sounding more than a little pleased. Since Rachel’s apparent disappearance, Mercedes has rejoined the club, in order to fill the chasm left in the diva’s mysterious absence, after being told all the “wonderful” opportunities – solos, etc – that are now fair-game (there’s something wrong, somehow, with actually calling them wonderful).

"Maybe RuPaul did us all a favor and topped herself,” Santana smirks. Will chastises her, but is drowned out by discordant snickering. The look on the teacher’s face shows that he’s pleased to note that there is _one_ student, however, who adamantly doesn’t join in. The cruel comment gets under the skin of one Noah Puckerman. Even though he wouldn’t admit it aloud, Puck misses Rachel, and he’s been worried for her. Sure, she’s bat-crap crazy, but she’s always there for him and she believes in him. But he keeps his mouth shut: it’s not worth getting spat at, so he just lets the rage build up inside as more snarky comments fly from the other Gleeks (much to Will’s frustration, as the man attempts to subdue the class). Until… 

“Who the hell cares, anyway?” Puck doesn’t know who said it; he doesn’t even care anymore. He just has to say _something_. 

“Shut up the fuck up!” – The room goes silent, and Puck realizes he’s out of his seat screaming, but he couldn’t care less. – “You assholes! You motherfucking assholes! Do _any_ of you actually give a fuck that she’s the only one who comes up with anything worthwhile when we’re making plans for Glee? Or that she might be up herself about it, but she’s the only one with any fucking _talent_ that’s worthwhile? Or that she stays up all fucking night most times typing up set lists and choreographing shit so she can give them to Mr. Schue as ideas? Or that any time we’ve actually fucking _won_ something, it’s because _she_ took the lead? Or that if _anything_ happens it’s because _she_ was the only one who gave enough of a fuck to step up and _do_ something? 

“Did you all fucking forget what she’s done for us? She’s forgiven all of us a million times over for being the worst friends _ever_ , and she’s the only one who legit gives a fuck about _everyone_ in Glee, even if she has a fucked-up way of showing it sometimes. And don’t gimme that look Satan – you _know_ she’s the only one that fucking believed you when we all thought you leaked our first set list and you said you didn’t. Every time one of us has stormed off in a huff, _she’s_ the one who crawled over on her fucking hands and knees and fucking _begged_ for us to return. She’s the _only_ one in the whole fucking school who fucking bothered to visit me and send me letters and shit when I was in Juvie! 

“And how do you fucking ingrates repay her? By wishing she was dead and not even giving a fuck about her. Well you know what? Fuck you all. I’m gonna go and find my fucking _friend_ and make sure she’s not dead or some shit. It’s better than spending another _second_ with you ungrateful assholes!” He storms out, slamming the door behind him, breathing heavily. He doesn’t even notice how angry he is, until he realizes he’s out the front of her house in his truck and that he doesn’t remember the drive – or _anything_ that happened after he slammed the choir door shut. 

He glances at the house and takes a resolve: this time, he’s going to go in. He keeps driving up and thinking about knocking on the door, but he always just drives off again. But not today. Today, Noah Puckerman finds out why Rachel Berry’s been hiding in her house for a fortnight – he knows she’s in there because he’s seen the lights on a few times when he’s gone past late at night. Opening the door, the first thing he notices is that only _Rachel’s_ car is in the driveway. The Berry’s don’t have a garage so there’s only one explanation: Leroy and Hiram aren’t here. Puck briefly wonders when they left. It must’ve been before she started hiding, because they’d just _make_ her go to school, otherwise. He adds a question about how long they’ve been gone to his list of queries for her as he knocks on the door. He frowns when there’s not even a quiet reply. 

“Hey, Rach? It’s Puck. Lemme in, huh?” He calls out on the tenth round of knocking. Nothing. Santana’s words come back to him, and he panics that she’s actually dead in there. He checks the door and finds that – actually – it’s unlocked. And off its hinges. _That’s_ different from when he almost knocked this morning. A surge of mortal dread courses through him, and he ends up kicking the door open in his panic. It bangs against the wall loudly as Puck takes in what’s before him, horrified that such a thing is possible. 

As Puck enters the house, it’s obvious that the place is in complete disarray – things are not only broken and missing, but there are also clear signs of a struggle. A few pieces of upturned furniture have small splatters of blood on them, in a direct line: someone was hurt and then dragged violently through the house among the debris. But who? He follows the trail, almost printing in his haste, chanting “Please no. Please no, not Rachel!” as he does so, his whimpers becoming louder and more desperate as he nears the end of it. But all the pleas in the world do nothing when he sees a pool of blood originating from the upper-leg-area of a small figure, completely immobile on the floor except from a nearly imperceptible rise and fall of its back as it breathes – unconscious for sure, but not dead. The face is hidden, and the chocolate-brown locks are as chaotic as the floor, and matted with her own blood, but Puck knows who he’s found. Getting out his phone, he dials Will’s number, hands shaking. 

“Mr. Schue…!” 

“ _Oh, Puck. I was hoping it’d be you. Listen, about what happened today in Glee—_ ” Puck cuts him off, his voice is scared and shaking; but he couldn’t care less at this point about manners or “badassedness”: there’s more important things to worry about than that now. 

“I found her, Mr. Schue. I found Rachel. At her house. I… It… Oh _god_!” 

“ _Is everything okay, Puck?_ ” Will sounds more than a little worried, and Puck doesn’t blame him one bit. 

“She’s bleeding badly and not moving, but I can see her breathing, so she must be unconscious. Her house got attacked and stuff was stolen and…” He can’t quite bring himself to say it: what comes next. What he thinks happened to the girl he sees before him. 

“ _And what? Puck, what’s wrong?_ ” 

“Mr. Schue… I think she’s been raped.” The teacher swears audibly. 

“ _Don’t go anywhere, Puck; I’ll be right there. Call an ambulance and the police. Okay?_ ” Puck shakily affirms it and hangs up, dialing numbers. 

He feels like he’s trapped in some horrible nightmare, or some cruel, torturous joke, almost detached as he hysterically tells the emergency numbers what’s happened. But it’s not: he realizes that when the ambulance men carry her away on a white stretcher and the police are flying around the room like crazy, trying to discover clues and ask questions all at the same time. At that moment, Puck’s resolve breaks, and the 17-year-old bursts into heaving sobs, turning to the almost fatherly embrace of his Spanish teacher, Glee director, father-like figure, and the only adult male he actually trusts and respects. Somewhere in the mess of feelings that are currently making up all of Puck’s cognitive processes, he feels droplets landing on his scalp and he knows he’s not the only one who feels confused, horrified, and miserable – just to name a few of the emotions overwhelming the two. 

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The doctors say they won’t let Puck or Will enter Rachel’s room for two hours when the pair arrives at the hospital, begging to see her. They _tell_ the two fretting men she’ll be okay, physically, and that she’ll wake up within a few hours, but it’s not enough, especially for Puck. He needs to _see_ Rachel be okay. They tell him that she’s going to be traumatized by what happened (turns out that Puck’s suspicions are correct; for a crazy second, he feels as if it’s his fault that it happened, because he thought of it), but he _needs_ to see Rachel. He wants to promise her that he’s never going to let this happen to her _ever_ again: he’s going to move in with her, if he has to. 

One of the police officers gives Puck her phone to keep safe, and to contact everyone he can about what happened. Puck promises to do so and thanks the man, who looks surprised, to say the least. Will gives him a small smile that tells Puck he’s proud of him; Puck returns it with one that says “Learnt it from you”. The waiting room they’re in is silent and empty, but Puck still feels as if he’ll be disturbing anyone by making phone calls. He pushes the thought aside and opens the phonebook. 

It’s huge – absolutely _full_ of people, most of whom Puck didn’t even know Rachel knew. People from soup kitchens, dance classes, nursing homes: the works. Most of them are also unavailable when Puck calls them, including both Hiram _and_ Leroy. Then Puck gets to a contact that he’s not sure he should call. He asks Will for advice, and after a moment, the man recommends that he _try_ : the worst that might happen is that they hang up or don’t answer at all; the best is that they join the pair. Rachel’s going to need all the support she can get, especially when she begins her recovery, mentally. So Puck presses “Call” and crosses his fingers. He puts it on loudspeaker so Will can help if he gets too teary. He’s not sure whether it’s for the phone to answer or not. Before he can decide, it picks up, and the owner doesn’t give him a moment to speak. 

“ _Hey, Rach. I was actually going to call you. I was just trying to figure out what to say. Look, I… what I said to you the other week was wrong. I… I know you’ve never been trying to hurt me or push me away. I was just angry because I thought ‘Oh great, another person is trying to take something away from me’ and I reacted badly. I’m sorry, Ray. I know that you were more than happy to share your role with ‘Cedes and that you weren’t running a campaign to spite me. I shouldn’t have attacked you like that._

“ _I… it’s funny, because I’ve been holding a grudge till today – you know how I am – but today, Puck stood up for you in Glee. We were all being bitchy, and I think it got too much for him to bear. He’s always been like that with you. I… I want to be like that too for you, one day. He’s probably told you about his little speech already, but it… I realized that I was wrong for what I did and that I should apologize. You’re one of my best friends, Ray. And we know we’re going to fight: we’re divas. It’s inevitable. So… please come back to school. I don’t know if Puck’s convinced you already, but please. I’ve missed you, Diva, and I want you to know that if you do come back, I’m going to have your back this time…_ ” 

“Are you willing to put that into action, _now_?” Puck asks, finally breaking out of the stunned silence Kurt’s speech left him in. 

“ _What? Who is this? Why’ve you got my Diva’s phone?!_ ” The soprano shrieks into the phone, the truth of his words making itself clear in the response. 

“It’s Puck: a police officer gave me her phone. I need you to come to Lima General Hospital: I’m here with Mr. Schue. There’s been… something happened to Rachel…” Puck almost breaks down just _saying_ it. 

“ _What’d you get her into?! If she’s hurt because of you, I swear—_ ” He considers screaming at the other boy, but knows he has to deal with this calmly. 

“When I left Glee, I went to find her. I knew she was at her house, so I went up to the front door and knocked. But the door was open – it was… it was off its hinges, actually. Everything was a mess, like a tornado tore through the place or something. I… I saw a trail of blood from this one spot… Where it looked like two people had been fighting, so I followed it to see if there was someone… dead… I found her, Kurt. Unconscious. In a pool of blood.” His voice cracks as he describes finding Rachel, and for the second time, the weight of it all bears down on him. 

“ _No…_ ” Kurt’s voice whimpers out of the speaker. 

“She… The doctors say her attackers… they… she’s been…” Kurt’s soft gasp tells him that he doesn’t need to finish the sentence, which is good, because he’s not sure he can. 

“ _No. They didn’t. This is a joke right?_ ” Puck can’t help it. He starts crying again. Will puts an arm around him and takes over. 

“Kurt, this is Mr. Schue. I’m… I’m afraid it’s not. She’s still unconscious, but Rachel needs you. When she wakes up, she’s going to need to her best friend holding her hand, telling her it’s going to be okay.” 

“ _I’ll be there in five, and I’ll get a hold of as many of the others as possible. You make sure Puck’s okay._ ” 

“Thanks Kurt.” The boy hangs up with a hurried goodbye, and there’s no doubt in either Will’s or Puck’s mind that Kurt will turn up. The question is, how many of the others will come too?


	3. Dear Friends, Save Me And Bring Me To Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some unexpected visitors to Rachel's bedside, and the girl herself wakes up! Now with trippy dream sequence start.

_Rachel finds herself in the hall of a palace. Its walls are pure white, with gold linings here and there, and graced with what look like pictures (but are actually moving) of her family and friends: laughing, smiling, happy. The memory-like photographs are resplendent in golden frames, and Rachel – dressed in a white ball gown – moves along the hall, gazing fondly at them. The tiled floor she sweeps across so gracefully is like a giant white-and-gold chessboard, and a crystal chandelier hangs high above her head halfway down the hall.  
_

_As she walks, she finds that beyond the end of the hall lies the grand foyer (which is also the ball room), and at the back of twin staircases on either side at the back, leading up to the second level. It’s a strange place, and she’s certain she’s never been here before. Yet she knows the place like the back of her hand. Gliding along the balcony, she peers over the edge and sees something she hadn’t noticed before: a lever. She stares at the object, not remembering it or any door on at the base of the balcony which it may open. She feels drawn to the lever, as if it’s whispering to her._

_‘I know something,’ it calls. ‘Something you’ve forgotten. I can show it to you. All you have to do is pull me upwards and all will be revealed…’ The words seem to ooze up through the air, like oil in water, and something deep inside tells Rachel that she doesn’t want to know whatever the lever’s hiding._

_Yet she finds herself standing before it, locked in a one-sided staring contest she’s bound to lose (she was right: there is no door). Still, her hand reaches for it, hearing a door creak ominously from behind her as she does so. She turns sharply, only to find the room empty, devoid even of exits; it worries her, so she races over, heels breaking the silence of the foyer with staccato clopping footsteps._

_‘You can’t get out that way anymore,’ the lever croons, sounding eerie. ‘If you want to wake up, you’ll have to remember the memories you’ve lost. You’ll have to find them again. And the only way to do that, Rachel, is to pull me up.’ She turns around again, as if to speak to it, and sees that it’s somehow grown bigger. But the lever sits still on the wall, perfectly silent and innocent, as if nothing’s happened. She remembers something now: she’s unconscious. But why? Maybe the real world has answers. She walks toward the lever, wanting answers and a return to consciousness._

_As her heels click across the ground, she can faintly hear a movie playing:_ Cats _, if she’s not mistaken. The Rum Tum Tugger boasts about himself from behind her almost inaudibly, and flashes of the movie playing on a TV screen flickering in her mind. The creaking door starts up again as soon as she gets within a meter, and she heard it thud dully as her hand touches the lever. Footsteps – from more than one person, from the sounds of it – thud loudly from somewhere far behind the door as she lifts the lever._

_All of a sudden, the white and gold of the room – along with her dress, which is replaced by some outfit she wore what seems like_ eons _ago – is sucked out of the room, and she’s left in darkness, staring not at a wall, but a light pink wooden door (not unlike the one on her bedroom); its handle slowly turns and then the whole thing slowly swings open. The singing furries are suddenly silenced, and she hears loud smashes and crashes from beyond the door: violent and ominous sounds._

_She remembers that there’s a good reason for her to be terrified now, but she doesn’t know why; either way, she can’t move – as if she’s been frozen in place by touching the lever, which is long gone. A monstrous paw covered in shaggy, avocado fur reaches out of the darkness of the doorway, and black claws dig deep into her skin as it drags her towards whatever terrible beast owns it._

_With every ounce of her being, she tries to scream and pull free, but her voice is mute and the struggle only makes more paws lunge out at her, grabbing, pulling, and hurting all at once. Only they’re not paws anymore: they’re the hands of strong men, dragging her from this place and she remembers._

_She knows that this is how it all happens now, and she tries to scream again, begging someone – God, her guardian angel, her fathers, her friends, justice, her memories, the_ lever _, for god’s sakes – to please, please stop, she knows now, please no more, no, no, no! But whatever’s out there isn’t listening (or perhaps it’s because of her inaudible screams) and she can do nothing as she’s sucked into the chaos of her vivid memories, pain filling all her senses as she’s ripped, torn, broken. The last thing she hears as she blanks out is a cold, cruel laugh that fills the world as agony courses through her veins on the cold floor that is quickly becoming wet as well…_

_When consciousness blesses her, the first thing she notices is that she’s far too tired to open her eyes; she also comes to the realization that she’s in a comfortable, warm bed and that there are weights either side of her. A soft trembling hand clutches her left hand gently, while a stronger, calloused one grips her right. Other hands are gently placed on whatever’s closest to the weight they belong to – a side, an arm, a leg._

_They’re quietly speaking to each other, but Rachel can’t hear them. She wonders what they’re saying – and who they are – but she’s too tired to wake up. Instead, dreamless sleep blesses her and the last thought in her mind a wondering of whether it’s her friends by her side. She wishes, in that second before her eyes flutter shut, that they are: that they’re smiling gently at her, just waiting for her to wake up…_

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In a way, Rachel’s wish has already come true: Puck’s actually shocked by how many of the Gleeks have turned up. Kurt and Blaine were obvious, expected – just like both Quinn and Finn’s absence from the hospital. Mercedes and Tina are a little less so, but still pretty unsurprising as guests. He hadn’t really expected Mike or Artie to show up, and Britt… well, actually, he’s not at all surprised Britt came when he thinks about it. He suspects that even though the blonde acts bitchy to Rachel at times, she harbors a deep fondness for the little diva. They all do: that’s why they’re here. 

_Santana_ , however, is a definite surprise: she’s made no effort whatsoever to hide her feelings about Rachel, especially not to the girl’s face. Yet here the Latina sits, tears silently dripping down her face as the latest phone number they’ve successfully retried sobs out things like “We’re coming as fast as we can” and “Why Rachel?”. What surprised Puck more, though, was what Kurt told him she said on the phone. She hadn’t even asked why she should care, or made some sort of snarky remark. 

“ _Britt and I are on our way,_ ” she’d apparently said. “ _If Ray wakes up before we get there, tell her we’re coming: we’ll get there as soon as we can._ ” Turns out, Rachel had been secretly helping Santana and Britt to meet up while the two worked up the courage to come out to their parents. She’d even introduced them to _her_ parents, which – although weird – had been helpful for both in getting tips on to how to go about coming out, both at home _and_ school. 

The Mr. Berry’s themselves are speeding to the airport to catch the soonest flight back to Lima, so they can see their little girl. Apparently, they’ve been secretly (well, not so much anymore) arranging auditions for _all_ of the New Directions kids, should they choose to take them, on Rachel’s insistence that each of her “fellow Glee Clubbers” – as she so often and fondly called them – had more than enough potential to make it big. They tearfully explained before that they were hoping to surprise her later on; it took all of Puck’s strength not to cry like a baby. The girls and Kurt don’t even try to hold it in as the call disconnects and phone’s snapped shut. 

“I wish… I wish we could’ve told her how we feel _before_ this happened,” Kurt sobs, clutching Rachel’s hand even tighter, and gazing tearfully at his unconscious friend. Puck flicks his own eyes up from their “please wake up” stare at her right hand, to see the other boy’s face. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” he says, hoping that he sounds soothing. “We _all_ messed up pretty badly, even me. But it’s not over. She’ll forgive us because we matter so much to her. She told me once that she’d give it all up – her goals, her Broadway future, everything – so long as she still had us. It wasn’t even a boast or anything: she just said it like it was a fact. That… that kinda stuck in my head, ‘cause it was just so out there, but she looked so honest when she said it.” They all nod quietly. 

“So, what do we do?” Mercedes asks. “We can’t just sit here: she wouldn’t want that. If it was one of us, she’d have a plan: she probably already has one in case one of us _does_ end up here. So…?” Everyone’s surprised when _Santana_ replies. 

“We sing,” the Latina says simply. “That’s… that’s what Ray would want.” Puck nods. 

“I have just the song.” There are a few half-chuckles at his use of Rachel’s “catchphrase”. 

He begins to sing; Blaine, Kurt and Will join him as leads for the verses. The others’ voices adjoin during the chorus, creating a ten-strong harmony, almost haunting in its melancholic beauty. He can almost hear the piano, the drums, the harp, and the bass all playing in the background alongside them. As they sing, Puck can only think of how proud Rachel would be of them: how happy she’d be at how their voices blend so smoothly together, and with such raw emotion. And how he’d have her know just how sincere it truly is, from all of them – least of all from him. 

[A.N: _Puck_ , Blaine, **Kurt** , _Will_ , **_All, including other Gleeks_** ] 

_Spend all your time waiting,_

_For that second chance:_

_For a break that would make it okay;_

_There’s always one reason,_

_To feel not good enough,_

_And it’s hard at the end of the day;_

I need some distraction, 

Oh, beautiful release; 

Memory seeps from my veins; 

Let me be empty, 

And weightless and maybe, 

I’ll find some peace tonight. 

_** In the arms of an angel, **_

_** Fly away from here; **_

_** From this dark cold hotel room, **_

_** And the endlessness that you fear; **_

_** You are pulled from the wreckage, **_

_** Of your silent reverie; **_

_** You’re in the arms of the angel, **_

_** May you find some comfort here. **_

**So tired of the straight line,**

**And everywhere you turn,**

**There’s vultures and thieves at your back;**

**The storm keeps on twisting,**

**You keep on building the lie,**

**That you make up for all that you lack;**

_It don’t make no difference,_

_Escaping one last time,_

_It’s easier to believe,_

_In this sweet madness,_

_Oh, this glorious sadness,_

_That brings me to my knees._

**_In the arms of an angel,_**

_** Fly away from here; **_

_** From this dark cold hotel room, **_

_** And the endlessness that you fear; **_

_** You are pulled from the wreckage, **_

_** Of your silent reverie; **_

_** You’re in the arms of the angel, **_

_** May you find some comfort here; **_

_** You’re in the arms of the angel, **_

_** May you find some comfort here; **_

Some comfort here. 

As the song finishes, there’s a sense of right in the room; then soft gasps as Rachel’s heart monitor starts beeping in a “waking up” pattern (the doctor explained and showed them what it would sound like). Her eyes suddenly flutter open, and she smiles softly at them, recognition in her eyes. She opens her mouth, and utters a few sentences that say more than any rant she’s ever gone off on. 

“You came. You all came, and you sang so beautifully. Thank you.” The wonderment and awe in her voice is too much for Kurt and the girls: the five of them break down, sobbing and clutching at the bed sheets. The boys don’t fare much better: Puck can feel tears running down his face, and sees it mirrored in the others’ faces out of the corner of his eye. Rachel simply smiles, looking like all her dreams have come true and that she feels safe and sound, simply by being surrounded by her ten weeping visitors. And then the doctor comes into the room. 

At the unfamiliar face, Rachel starts screaming: twisting, and turning in her panic as she tries to escape. The Gleeks all lurch forward, forming a defensive cocoon around her, with Puck hugging Rachel protectively in the centre. He gently holds her to him, whispering comforts into her hair as the others stroke her hair, echoing his soothing words, and adding their own. The doctor reels back, apologizing profusely as he quickly exits the room again. Rachel whimpers, clinging to Puck and pleading. 

“No, no, no, no, no, make it go away, please, please, please, make it stop.” 

“It’s okay, Rach,” he soothes. “It’s stopped. It’s gone. He’s gone. You’re safe. You’re in a hospital and that was just the doctor. We wouldn’t let them get you, babe. We’ll never let them come near you again. Everything’s gonna be fine, okay?” She nods, and he kisses the top of her head as Kurt tugs her into another hug. As all the Gleeks (even Santana) take their turn at consoling Rachel, Puck prays that he’s right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen to the Westlife version of the song here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWMIqEncJ4c


	4. Recovery In Therapy To Become F***ing Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel's out of hospital and doing better...and then Finn decides to get back together with her. Will she be wooed? Or will the Gleeks - including their newest member, Rory - be able to tell her that she deserves better before it's too late...?

Rachel doesn’t get out of the hospital for three weeks, but when she does, she’s got four new numbers on her phone: her psychologist; her new doctor; a hotline for victims like her, and police officer (who Puck _knew_ was spending too much time flirting and not enough time working!) She refuses to throw _anything_ she got at the hospital away, except for a few of the bouquets, which were dying or dead, and an already-broken three-dollar toy Quinn and Finn sent her. Puck’s pickup truck _still_ smells like roses, but it’s nicer than the rusty old smell of the car itself. 

The only odor it _doesn’t_ eliminate (and he’s pretty sure it’s just his brain screwing with him) is the lingering stink of his father’s cigarettes from that time, almost ten years ago, when Eli Puckerman had owned the truck. Not that he tells Rachel that: she bears a deep, dark grudge against the man (despite the fact that she’s never met him), so she’d probably never ask for a lift from him ever again (and exactly _why_ that’s a tragedy is “none of your bee’s wax”, if you ask him). 

School-wise, he makes sure she’s never left alone for protection, and despite the shit Mike and Santana give him (good naturedly, of course), no one’s complaining. Well no one _important_. In his opinion (and he has the support of the rest of the Gleeks except the “-inn’s”, on this), Finn needs to get the hell over himself: he didn’t even bother showing up to visit Rachel at the hospital, and the best he could manage _pooling in with Quinn_ was some shitty-ass toy he probably played with and broke before he mailed it to the poor girl’s room. 

He actually finds a new reason to respect Blaine and Kurt: apart from him and Santana (who’s shown her true colors as Rachel’s friend), no one else is quite as protective of Rachel. _All_ the Gleeks (again, apart from the obvious exceptions) are defensive when it comes to her now, but not quite to the same extent as the four of them, who’ve become known as Rachel’s Body Guards – if one of them has to go somewhere she’s not going, one of the others appears and “guards” her instead. This means that since all her classes has at least _one_ of the four of them, she’s always got Blaine, Puck, Santana, or Kurt at her side. 

Luckily, she doesn’t mind at all and actually prefers to wait if one of them has to leave, and neither of the others has shown up just yet. Through this, among other ways, the Gleeks quickly discover her deep distrust and acute fear of anyone who wasn’t there when she woke up in hospital – even Finn and Quinn initially cause the small diva to scream uncontrollably, the true terror in her voice unhidden even on her face. There are, of course, a few exceptions. 

Her fathers were greeted with joyful hugs when they first returned to Lima, their deep remorse plain on their faces. Emma Pillsbury’s school counseling sessions do often end in tears, but that’s got more to do with Rachel’s extremely emotional responses to having to relive the pain (Emma rarely makes her, luckily). Coach Beiste is far too much of a teddy bear in the diva’s eyes to ever be considered a threat. And, strangely enough, the new Irish exchange-student and Glee Clubber, Rory Flanagan, gets away with being greeted all friendly-like. Rachel claims that it’s because “he’s like the Irish version of what you’d get if Kurt and Blaine had a baby.” 

None of the boys take offense at the comment, although Britt starts wondering which of the couple Rory’s “mother” is. She and Rachel spend about three days discussing the idea – with input from the other Gleeks – and eventually deicide on Blaine because Kurt has to be a Papa Bear like Burt. Kurt laughs his ass off, and Blaine’s only comment – after he’s finished spluttering and started sulking – is “… _Fine_! But let it be known that I resent being made the woman of this relationship!” At this point, the Gleeks start worrying that Kurt’s going to faint from lack of breathing, if he doesn’t stop laughing, especially when he falls off his chair. 

He eventually composes himself, but a mere glance at his still-sulking boyfriend is enough to start him off again. They all end up giggling like idiots, and Puck can almost tell that one day Rachel’s going to be okay again when she lets herself laugh so joyfully for the first time in three weeks. She glances at him sideways, eyes sparkling, and he has to stop himself from scooping her up into his arms and kissing her silly. It’s kind of strange: he’s had feelings for Rachel for a while, but – especially _now_ – he knows it’s just not the time for them. 

He’d only agreed with Finn’s request, last year, to try and keep his distance from her because he thought maybe they’d go away, since she was so hung up on Finn at the time. But distance only makes the heart grow stronger, and even Badass Noah “Puck” Puckerman isn’t immune to that. So the arrival of a new guy makes him feel nervous: yeah, she’s pretty much completely over Finn, but what if Rory steals her away next? He wants to keep him as far away from her as possible, but the Irishman’s voice makes Rachel smile that million-watt grin, so he does nothing. 

Kurt notices (of course) and all but fist-pumps, before beginning to chatter about _Puckleberry 2.0_ , inserting promises to keep it a secret from Rachel until Puck’s ready every few minutes. Quickly getting lost after the first few paragraphs, Blaine and Puck (Santana’s escorting her to the bathroom at the moment) just sit there and look stunned at the sheer speed at which the blue-eyed soprano’s speaking. Blaine eventually turns to Puck and quietly asks what “a Puckleberry” is. The mohawked teen barely stops himself blushing and stuttering as he explains to the ex-Warbler, especially when comprehension dawns on Blaine’s face. 

“…are you two even _listening_ me anymore?” They turn to see Kurt watching them, hands on hips, waiting expectantly for a response. The _right_ one. 

“‘Course we are, Kurt,” Blaine says, trying to placate the diva, who gives them both a steely glare. Puck’s worries crazily for about half a second that he’s legit gonna _die_ just from that frown, but it turns away, softening into a smile as Kurt spots Artie, Mike, Tina, Britt, and Mercedes walking together. 

“You five! Maybe _you’ll_ listen to me!” He flounces off, giving Puck and Blaine one last glare as they stand, frozen to the spot. 

“Do you ever worry that he’ll look at you like that one day and you’ll just drop dead?” Puck asks. 

“Every time,” Blaine replies weakly. He spots someone over Puck’s shoulder, and darkens. “Hey, look, it’s Santana. Ray isn’t with her.” Puck turns, furrowing his brow. The Latina herself is looking worried, so he knows she hasn’t ditched Rachel or anything (not that he thinks she would). 

“Hey, San,” he says, trying to smile. “Where’s Rach?” Kurt and the group of Gleeks all suddenly walk over, interest grabbed by Puck’s question. 

“What…?” Kurt splutters. “San, I thought you were watching her!” Puck expects Santana to get all bitchy over it but there’s not even a flash of anger in her eyes, which worries him even more. 

“I _was_ ,” she replies, worry seeping into her tone, “but Frankenteen came up to us after we got out of the bathroom, and asked to speak to Rach. I _was_ going to tell him where to stick it, but she said she would before I even opened my mouth. Something about ‘wanting to make sure things were okay between them’ or something. Guys… I’m worried she might relapse into Finchel.” The group begins murmuring quietly, looking worried and trying to figure out a plan for diverting it. 

“Hello, you guys,” a cheery voice chirps. “What’re you all talking about?” They all look up to see Rory smiling at them. The Gleeks look at each other, then back at their fellow member. 

“Rory, what do you think about Rachel?” Blaine asks. The Irishman’s face splits into an ear-to-ear grin. 

“She’s a great girl,” he replies. “She’s like a sister to me; I’d do anything to help her.” – His cheerful demeanor suddenly drops – “Why did something happen?” 

“We think she might be getting back together with Finn,” Santana says. Rory’s face drains of all color. 

“ _What_?! She can’t! She told me how that giant eejit broke her heart! We have to stop this!” 

“So you’ll help us?” Pucks asks. The boy nods resolutely. “Great… so… got any ideas?” Rory’s brow wrinkles for a few seconds before clearing and he snaps his fingers. 

“He’ll try to sing to her, yes?” There’s this intensity in the Irishman’s face that none of them really understands. It frightens Puck a little, but he answers anyway. 

“‘Course he will, but what’s that got to do with it?” Rory’s eyes glimmer with excitement. 

“Rebuttal.” – The other Gleeks look at him blankly. –“We sing something to tell her it’s a bad idea.” Comprehension dawns on the group in a collective “ _Oh_!” and Kurt smacks himself in the forehead. 

“Why didn’t I think of that?” he sighs. “So what do we sing?” Rory smirks. 

“I have _just_ the song…” 

**G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33G£33**

As predicted, Finn stands up at the start of Glee from his spot next to Rachel. Quinn’s been on his other side, clutching his hand the whole way through, and Puck can’t help but think about how symbolic that is of the whole Fuinn relationship at the moment. He wants to get up now and stop him, but Rory (who’s sitting next him) gently stops him, shaking his head. 

“Let him think he’s got away with it first,” the Irishman whispers. “Then, we get up, clear whatever smokescreen he uses and have _our_ say.” Puck nods. He might just get used to this guy after all. 

“I’d like to sing a song for the girl I love,” Finn says, smiling goofily. “It’s called _If It’s Love_ , and it’s by Train.” Rachel and Quinn both clap, along with Will. 

Of course, the rest of the Gleeks just glare: they know what he’s doing and why. He can be as diplomatic as he likes about it, but he can’t hide the truth from them. This song’s to get Rachel back into the twisted relationship she’s just tried getting out of: back into that cruel love-triangle that crushed all hope in her soul just over five weeks ago. But like Rory said before: they’ll have their time to squash this stupidity before it spreads though Rachel’s brain again. They just have to wait. 

Finn ends his song, and makes the mistake of glancing at Rachel afterwards. Out of the corner of his eye, Puck can tell that she’s on the fence, and also that she’s already leaning towards becoming Finn-Obsessed¬ Rachel again. Not to mention that Quinn’s picked up on Finn’s “Rachel, take me back” vibes. Not good. Rory’s on his feet as soon as Finn finishes, Puck, Artie, Blaine, Kurt, Santana, Britt, Mercedes, Mike, and Tina right behind him. Mike puts out a hand to Rachel and brings her to sit in a chair that Puck gets for her, while Rory talks. 

“Well, that was lovely and all,” Rory smirks, “but I think we have something a little more realistic. See, we know that certain people, being who they are, can’t make up their minds sometimes. And that confuses other people. So, we’d like to dedicate _He’s Just No Good for You_ by the Australian band, Mental As Anything, to one of those poor, confused girls.” – He turns to face Rachel – “Ray, this is for you.” They begin singing to her, ignoring the dirty looks they’re getting from Finn and Quinn, focusing on Rachel’s smiles and giggles, as the music swirls around her, merging with their voices in a melodic whirlpool. 

[AN: Rory, _Puck_ , Artie, _Blaine_ , Kurt, _All Gleeks singing_ , Rory/Kurt/Puck/Blaine/Artie] 

**Don’t you get the feelin’ that**

**You’ve done this kind of thing before?**

_You’ve been kicked in the teeth,_

_And now you’re goin’ back for more?_

_Come with me – get out of the mess you’re in;_

You take your life in your hand, 

Every time you fool around with him! 

_** He’s just no good for you;  ** _

_** Why are you goin’ back?  ** _

_** You deserve a whole lot better than that!  ** _

_ Your memory must be short,  _

_ Or you find it very easy to forgive;  _

** You must be a little bit crazy,  **

** If you think that’s how you ought to live!  **

_** He’s just no good for you;  ** _

_** Why are you goin’ back?  ** _

_**You deserve a whole lot better than that!** _

_**Stop and think**_ – **while you’ve got the chance;**

_**Stop and think** – or you’ll be over your head, _

_In a doomed roma-ance!_

_** He’s just no good for you.  ** _

_** Why are you goin’ back?  ** _

_** You deserve a whole lot better than that!  ** _

Don’t you get the feelin’ that 

You’ve done this kind of thing before? 

** You’ve been kicked in the teeth,  **

_ And now you’re goin’ back for more,  _

_ And more and mo-ore!  _

_** He’s just no good for you;  ** _

_** Why are you goin’ back?  ** _

_** You deserve a whole lot better than that!  ** _

Oh! 

He’s just no good for you; ( _ **that is just no good** ) _

Why are you goin’ back? ( _ **that is just no good** ) _

You deserve a whole lot better than tha-a-at! 

Oh! 

He’s just no good for you; ( _ **that is just no good** ) _

Why are you goin’ back? ( _ **that is just no good** ) _

You deserve a whole lot better than tha-at! 

**Better than _that..._ **

Rory finishes, gesturing with his whole arm to Finn, who looks like he’s about to hit the smiling Irishman. Rachel and Will both clap enthusiastically. 

“That was _sensational_ guys!” the teacher grins. “I think we should definitely do either that song, or their version of _Rock and Roll Music_ at Nationals! Great job!” Smirking victoriously, they return to their seats, pleased when Rachel follows them. She quietly gets the attention of the Gleeks surrounding her when Will starts talking about their assignment for next week (“Something you’d really like to say to someone else here.”). 

“I wasn’t really thinking of taking him back,” she whispers. “I wanted to pretend like I was so he’d stop bugging me. But thank you, guys. It means so much to me that you look out for me so much. I can’t wait to see what you all do next week…” Her million-mega-watt smile is returned by ten identical ones, and Kurt clasps her hand. 

“You’ve gotta sing this time, Rach,” he says, smiling sadly. “Come on – we miss hearing the Queen of the Gleeks singing. You’re depriving us of musical heroin here!” She laughs quietly, barely able to stifle them when the other nine of her friends nod solemnly. 

“You better sing, Ray,” Santana says, mock-threateningly. “I needs mah Berry Tunes. Okay?” Puck thinks it might just be the best day he’s had in over a month, when Rachel giggles, and smiles. 

And it just gets better when, later, she gives him a kiss on the cheek, blushes and runs to her house, looking back as she opens the door and waving before she goes inside. He hopes that she saw his goofy grin and the wave he sent back. Well, maybe not the goofy grin: he’d never live it down, as a badass, if someone knew he has a soft spot. But then, if that soft spot’s Rachel Berry, he’s not quite sure he really minds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something from my homeland - Mental As Anything: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQVz9nuel7I


	5. I Relapse When Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word Because It’s The Way I Am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sigh* And just when things were going so well.. >:3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...please don't hurt me.

All his senses are engaged in the moment, but he’s not. Bright flashing lights. Sirens. Hospital smell. Skin raised in gooseflesh, though he’s not cold at all. Bitter regret tainting his tongue. And Will Schuester sits, head in his hands, trying to figure out where it all went wrong again. This time, though, it’s Puck on a hospital bed, with tubes and machines everywhere. A fight, the police have told him, trying to protect Rachel. Odds not exactly in Puck’s favor: three grown men verses one young man. Still the teen gave them a run for their money – two have broken arms and the third is concussed. By some ironic twist of fate, they’ve all been ID’d as Rachel’s attackers after the fingerprints came back. All now under arrest. But at what cost? 

Puck’s in and out of consciousness and Rachel…Will glances at her. She’s shell-shocked and crying silently, Puck’s left hand held tightly in both of hers. The doctors seem pleased with that – when they tried to examine her for shock, she had a complete meltdown and started blaming herself for it all. Will caught the tail end of it when he came in. She’d calmed down a lot, but still went into hysterics and pushed everyone who came too close away. Then Puck’s mother had managed to placate her completely – no one’s quite sure what she said, since it was in Yiddish – and got the girl to hold her son’s hand. Rachel hasn’t moved since, and every now and then whispers apologies to Puck. 

Will is powerless, or so he feels. Two bright, shining stars, who he loves as if they’re his own children, are on the brink of fizzling out. And he can’t do _anything_. The other kids have all looked to him for guidance, eyes searching his for some clue – or at least they _did_ until they found the same helplessness they felt in his face. He feels like he’s failed them all, yet they don’t seem to see it like that. They sit by him, speak with him softly, that same tone of respect and care that they always have. Something Kurt says triggers his memory and he thinks back to when things seemed to be getting so much better… 

***Flashback***

_It’s an early-morning Glee rehearsal. The girls and Kurt have just finished singing “Brighter Days” for their assignment that week. The Gleeks decided to split up into two groups – Kurt, Mercedes, Britt, Quinn (who apologized earlier that day and rejoined), Sugar (a new addition from the Treble Tones, which recently went south due to lack of members), Tina…and Rachel. He smiles to see her singing, even if it is mostly backup. Will asks the boys if they have their “retaliation,” as Artie calls it, ready. They grin and take the stage almost immediately._

_Once their audience settles, they find themselves stools and sit in a semi-circle, Puck in the middle with his guitar. Will doesn’t miss the glance he gives Rachel – just as he didn’t miss the ones she gave Puck throughout their performance. The others don’t – too caught up in their own shy (or not so shy, in the case of Santana, Mike and Blaine) looks. The Britannia, Tike, and Klaine glances aren’t really a surprise to Will; and Rory’s furtive glances at Sugar aren’t so surprising. He has to admit, though, that he’s happily surprised to see Sam (who just came back from Texas to rejoin New Directions) looking at Mercedes, and Artie staring at Quinn._

_It occurs to him that maybe, just maybe, things might be recovering. Rachel, especially, seems to be feeling a lot better lately, slowly becoming herself again, more and more…and there’s no doubt in Will’s mind that a lot of that has to do with a certain mohawked boy sitting at the front with hope in his eyes. But the teacher comments on none of this aloud, and simply tells them “Take it away guys.” And they do._

_Artie:_

Everybody’s looking for a something: 

One thing that makes it all complete. 

_Santana:_

You’ll find it in the strangest places – 

Places you never knew it could be. 

_Puck:_

Some find it in the face of their children, 

Some find it in their lover’s eyes. 

_Mike:_

Who can deny the joy it brings? 

When you’ve found that special thing, 

_Artie:_

You’re flying without wings. 

_Sam:_

Some find it sharing every morning; 

Some in their solitary lives. 

_Blaine:_

You’ll find it in the words of others: 

A simple line can make you laugh or cry. 

_Rory:_

You’ll find it in the deepest friendship: 

The kind you cherish all your life. 

_Mike:_

And when you know how much it means, 

You’ve found that special thing. 

_All:_

You’re flying without wings. 

_Blaine:_

So, impossible as it may seem, 

_Santana:_

You’ve got to fight for every dream, 

_Rory:_

‘Cause who’s to know which one you let go, 

_Sam:_

Would have made you complete? 

_Puck:_

Well, for me it’s waking up beside you, 

To watch the sunrise on your face. 

To know that I can say I love you, 

At any given time or place. 

_Artie:_

It’s little things that only I know: 

_All:_

Those are the things that make you mine. 

_Blaine: And it’s like flying without wings,_

_Mike:_

‘Cause you’re my special thing. 

_All:_

I’m flying without wings. 

_Santana:_

And you’re the place my life begins, 

_Sam:_

And you’ll be where it ends. 

_All:_

I’m flying without wings. 

_Rory:_

And that’s the joy you bring. 

_Puck:_

I’m flying without wings. 

_The response is immediate – an enthusiastic standing ovation, followed by the girls and Kurt rushing the stage to hug the others. Will sees Rachel shyly kiss Puck on the cheek, blushing, and earning a goofy grin from the boy. He’s reminded of the way Emma kisses him on the cheek in the morning, and understands._

_Later, in the hallway, he overhears Puck asking Rachel if she’ll come with him to dinner at Breadstix and then to see the new “Avengers” movie that night. She hesitates a moment, then agrees. Will smiles quietly to himself as he heads to the staff room for lunch with Emma, and Shannon. When they asks, he can’t help but smile at them like the cat that got the cream._

_“I think things are finally getting back to normal, guys.”_

***End Flashback***

Will can’t believe it – it’s only been a few hours? But how? How did it go so wrong so fast? The police have told him the whole thing was caught on a security camera. Puck was walking her to his truck from the cinemas when the three goons showed up from an alleyway. Puck stood in front of Rachel; told them to back off or he’d hurt them. Whispered to Rachel to call 911, and then held them off until the boys in blue showed up – although no one’s really sure how Rachel managed to dial the numbers, let alone speak. She can’t do either right now, for sure. Will’s guess is that when Puck’s around, she feels safe; now that he’s unconscious, she doesn’t. He glances at her, and is surprised to see him looking at him with wariness in her eyes. He’s even more surprised when she speaks first. 

“I’m sorry Mr. Schue,” she croaks. “I’m sorry I got Noah into this mess…” Her eyes are full of tears. He moves a little closer and gently puts an arm around her. She leans into him, but doesn’t lose her grip on Puck’s hands for a second. 

“Hey,” he soothes; his voice is calm and gentle, “this is not your fault. This is because of… _those_ three. They’re to blame, Rachel. Not you.” She sniffles, and he could swear he hears her half-laughs. 

“You sound like Noah. And Ms. Pillsbury. And my therapists.” 

“Because it’s true, Rachel. You’ve done nothing wrong. What happened…they were just waiting for _anybody_ to come along.” 

“I…I know, but Noah—” 

“—defended you because he loves you, Rach,” Will says in a firm but gentle tone. “He’d protect you against anything, no matter what the risk.” As if on cue, Puck stirs into consciousness. 

“Rachel?” he croaks. “Is that you, Ray?” She immediately turns her attention to him. There’s sadness in her eyes that Will can’t quite explain. Somehow, it’s as if they’re in their own little world together, and the rest of them are just watching from the audience. 

“I’m here, Noah.” 

“Don’t cry, babe, I got ’em, right? They’re gonna get locked up and they’re never gonna hurt you again. And if they try, I won’t let ’em – I’ll kick their asses from here to Australia and back. I promise.” 

“Noah…Oh, god, Noah, I…” Tears aren’t falling quite yet, but they don’t seem far away, and there’s an unspoken ‘I love you’ hidden in them somewhere. But Puck seems to know already…and he seems to know all the other words she doesn’t dare speak. He squeezes her hand in reassurance. 

“I know, Ray. I feel the same way, and I’m gonna wait for you until you’re ready, I promise. You’re gonna go to that place your dads told you about, and you’re gonna heal until you’re stronger than ever. And I’m gonna be with you, every step of the way. Even if, yeah, I won’t always be there – like physically – I will always be there with you in your heart. Just promise that you’ll let me.” A single lonely tear tracks down her face, and she smiles sadly. 

“Of course, Noah. I promise. But…are you sure? I mean, you’ll probably get hurt again because of me and—” 

“—and I’ll die a billion times over if it means being by your side. You can do this, Ray. I know you’re scared, but it’s like that dude who wrote Winnie the Pooh says: ‘You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.’ You can’t let this defeat you, Ray; you’ve gotta keep fighting. One day you’re gonna beat this thing, I just know it; and then you’re gonna be on Broadway: you and Kurt and ’Cedes and Blaine all singing and dancing and acting your asses off on that stage, making history.” 

“What about _you_ , though, Noah?” 

“Well, I am one fine piece of ass,” he replies cockily, although his usually self-assured demeanor is marred by medication and drowsiness. “Figure I’ll make a great trophy husband for the biggest star on Broadway since Streisand.” She giggles a little. 

“One day,” she agrees. There’s a little half-smile on her lips, as if she knows it’s not going to be anytime soon, but all the same, it’s a promise: it _will_ happen. Puck smiles back and Will feels like he’s intruding on a most sacred of moments between the two. 

As he and the others file out quietly, leaving the two alone, he smiles to himself. Things are not better. Not by a long shot. There’s going to be tears, tantrums, fights, relapses, episodes, diva fits, storm-outs, and everything else in between. But that’s okay. Because one day, it will be better. He tells Emma his theory as they drive home. 

“But is that really gonna be okay?” she asks, a little worried. He just smiles even more. 

“I have a feeling that ‘okay’ will be perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Westlife again, this time they're soooarin' Flyyyin' (without wings) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZOW8ZuLG2o


	6. (Epilogue) The Man Who Can’t Be Moved Is My Bridge Over Troubled Waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here's the crooked bow on top. Rachel sings!  
> Thanks so much for reading! :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I, personally, think this song would sound amazing when sung by Lea Michelle.

She stands at the edge watching them all, nervous. They’re singing and dancing, practicing for a something – a charity dinner, she remembers vaguely. Noah told her about it during his last visit to the centre she’s been living at since he got out of hospital. He doesn’t know she’s been released today. It was only a short stay, though: a few months’ time to heal among others like herself. It’s been three months since she checked in, and she feels so much better now. Not back to normal by quite a large gap. Far cry from perfect. But better. She has all of them to thank – her Dads, her friends. And especially Noah. She’s still not completely ready for “them” yet, but she knows Noah will go as slowly as she needs him to, and she’s willing to take the plunge now. As Santana often tells her, “YOLO.” She says it whenever they talk about it…which they always do, because San always makes sure to bring it up. And then Britt always points out that, however realistic it might be, yo-yos aren’t exactly an optimistic analogy for relationships. 

None of her fellow Gleeks, including Mr. Schue, knows she’s here yet: she wants to surprise them (she had to pay Brad and the band off to help her out, but it’ll be well worth the looks on their faces). She’s a little anxious, but she knows they’ll be glad to see her. What, if nothing else, did their continuous visits to the centre prove, if not they care for her? She feels a sudden wave of love for them all and smiles, watching as they finished. They don’t know it, but she’s up next. She’s asked the band to start as soon as they get to the top of the stairs. Dramatic effect, she told them. They just smiled, as if to say “There’s Rachel Berry, back to her old self again.” and they’re partly right. She’s on her way to normal again. 

She hears Mr. Schue praising them, but reminding them that they still need to practice a little more – just a couple more rehearsals. They groan, but agree, and walk off laughing. Snatches of conversations float toward her. 

“Puck, you’re driving us to see Ray later, right?” 

“Maybe…if Rory stops fangirling over spreads.” 

“Well, if peanut butter isn’t the best thing ever, what is?” 

“Nutella.” 

“My unicorn eats skittles and rainbow dip. Lord Tubbington doesn’t really like it though…that reminds me: San, our kids will be named Skittles and Chewbacca.” 

Listening to them reminds her of just how much she’s missing out on. How much she misses them; how much she misses all of this. But then, that’s why she’s here: to reclaim that part of herself. She knows she can do it. She has to be able to do it. She breathes in deep, waiting for her cue as the band starts up, and then walks forward slowly, to mid-stage. They turn, confused, and then she sees the glee spreading from her head to her toes reflected in their faces. 

_I'm not a perfect person –_

_There's many things I wish I didn't do –_

_But I continue learning._

_I never meant to do those things to you._

_And so I have to say before I go,_

_That I just want you to know,_

_I've found a reason for me,_

_To change who I used to be:_

_A reason to start over new._

_And the reason is you._

_I'm sorry that I hurt you:_

_It's something I must live with everyday._

_And all the pain I put you through,_

_I wish that I could take it all away,_

_And be the one who catches all your tears._

_That’s why I need you to hear:_

_I've found a reason for me,_

_To change who I used to be,_

_A reason to start over new._

_And the reason is you._

_And the reason is you._

_And the reason is you._

_And the reason is you._

_I'm not a perfect person –_

_I never meant to do those things to you._

_And so I have to say before I go,_

_That I just want you to know,_

_I've found a reason for me,_

_To change who I used to be,_

_A reason to start over new._

_And the reason is you._

_I've found a reason to show,_

_A side of me you didn't know,_

_A reason for all that I do._

_And the reason is you._

~Fin(n)~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have some Hoobastank: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV4DiAyExN0

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so some of you may recognise this from FanFiction.net That's because I've decided to actually make use of being on this site to put up a few of my own fanfics (after having read as many as possible).  
> Hope you all enjoy~


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